Your Own Style

  As a goth, one of the most important things is to develop your own style, this is what separates Victorian Goths from Industrial Goths and what brings the two together, should someone decide to borrow from both for their personal style. There are many different types of gothic style labels that have been used to describe how certain goths dress, Industrial, Victorian, Cybergoths, Deathrockers, and many other labels, and there are other goths that fit under many of these labels, or none of them, but there is never an original goth look, no one could copy Siouxsie Sioux, Peter Murphy, or Andy Biersack without adding some of their own style and ideas (I hope so at least, imitation has been called the sincerest form of flattery, but copying someone, down to the perfectly plucked eyebrows, is creepy on so many levels.) Developing your own personal style can be as simple as ordering a shirt with a band logo designed by you off a website, or as complex as tearing apart a pitch black garment and sewing it back together with blood red thread, which is very deathrocky, by the way. My style is usually composed of black band t-shirts, black bracelets (usually with a band's logo), torn jeans, necklaces, and a pair of sneakers that look like they've seen war, but I occasionally change up my style a bit, just so I don't get bored of it.
      Developing your clothing style is a very important part of the goth subculture, but there are, as there are and always will be... to everything, roadblocks that you might encounter when putting together your perfect, horror-laced wardrobe. If you go to a school that has one of those dress codes where you can only wear collared shirts and are not allowed to wear jeans, that definitely takes a big chunk out of the fun of having a gothy wardrobe, it did for me, even though I was able to find ways to get around it. For example, I would wear a black button-down shirt over a band t-shirt and leave the top three or four buttons undone, so the band name and logo were slightly visible, or I would wear my signature black army jacket (or at least it became so, since I wore it practically all winter, when my friends looked for me in the hall, they didn't bother to look for my face, they looked for a faded, black army jacket) over a black polo. Along with the clothing, you could do other things to establish your gothiness without being sent to the principal's office for a lecture (oh, how I hate lectures) on the dress code, and be told, in detail, how you are breaking it, these ways have been tested by me and my friends, and they do work. Necklaces, pins, brooches, dyeing your hair (if your school allows that), painting your nails (if your school allows that), eyeliner, piercings (if your school allows either one of those, sorry, I'm just making sure, the school I went to allowed that, but I have heard some horror stories about schools whose superiors want their students to look completely generic and indistinguishable from each other, something that borders on torture for us black-clad, eccentric types). After you've done all you can to establish yourself as a goth in your annoyingly strict education area, make plans for whenever there is nothing regulating how you can dress but your own tastes in clothing, whenever you can truly dress to mirror your tortured soul.
        Now its time to talk about a more powerful regulator, your parent figure, no; seriously, like it or not, your parents may not be on board with how you want to dress, they may believe some of that garbage that's out there about goths, they may be worried that you will be bullied for how you dress, or maybe its a more self-centered notion; maybe they are afraid they will be called bad parents. Any of those reasons can be easily helped, I'm going to give you some tips, for a more in depth explanation on reassurance, consult my Avoiding The Freak-Out post. To assure your parents that goth is nothing like the media would have them believe , explain to them what draws you to goth, explain that goth isn't a religion or a cult and you should be fine. If your parents are afraid that you will be bullied, show them that you have been following my advice and not giving a crap about what people have to say about you, and really follow it, these people have no right to criticize you about what you wear or how you act, so you shouldn't care, because caring will only fuel their taunts. But if your parents are afraid of being considered bad parents, its your turn to lecture THEM. They need to learn to stand behind you, because they're your parents, if you've already explained to them what goth really is, there is no reason why they should be ashamed of your new subcultural following, they should learn to stick up for you when other adults criticize you (and maybe them), and they should be proud that you are your own person.
        Well, my friends, this is where I end this post, live free, face the world with courage, and don't take crap from anyone, these people have no right to make fun of you, so you shouldn't care about it.

Signed,
The Darker Son                                                                                                                                                                            

Brief Comparison: Emo and Goth

     Emo is a little harder to explain than goth, and this is coming from a person who has friends who are part of the scene itself and has some traits that could be attributed to the scene. I don't exactly look out of place when I hang out with one of my emo friends, we dress in a very similar manner, a large amount of black, usually with a t-shirt of a band, mine are usually My Chemical Romance, Black Veil Brides, Nirvana (yes, I'm a grunge rock fan!), or something like that, and sometimes a bracelet; usually adorned with a band's logo, and something's up with our hair, one of my friends has his hair brushed all to one side, and another cut her hair really short and dyed it purple, and on top of that, she sure uses a lot of mousse. What I'm trying to say here is that goths and emos share a lot of similarities subculture-wise, no matter how hard they are to see, I don't know many people of the goth subculture where I live (if I know any at all) so usually I'm watching a horror movie or listening to a certain, dark laced band with one of my emo friends, and I admit, before I decided to explore the dark, velvet-lined gothic subculture, when I saw a black-clad person with a hairdo that involved unnatural color and asymmetricality, I really couldn't tell whether they are emo or goth, (I sometimes have trouble even today, not as common as it used to be, but it does happen). As there is a ridiculous, stereotypical explanation to goth, there is also one to emo, the most popular one among my non-goth/non-emo friend's minds is the one about the "overwhelming depression over nothing in particular", the reason for this is that emos are (don't deny it) more prone to wallowing in emotions, such as sadness or anger, but for their own reasons, really emo is a way that people like to use to express themselves, it has been used to describe hairdos, and a type of music, which has splintered into many types, such as Indie or Screamo (if you're interested in Indie, I recommend Weezer, and for Screamo fans, I recommend Asking Alexandria) and I've even seen a certain type of music be described as emo pop (Fall Out Boy, if anyone cares, is a personal favorite of mine). The emos I know where I live are more keen to living on top of the line that separates goth from emo (me included, to some extent), and like to live the best of both worlds, even if they deny it, and I can't tell you how much I enjoy seeing both subcultures meeting in masses under the same roof at a horror movie premiere. This is a short explanation, as opposed to the one I actually had planned before I sat down in front of the PC, but this one is easier to understand. I wanna end this with the same words of encouragement that I always give my rapid readers, it doesn't matter whether you're a goth, emo, or any other following that's out there, don't take crap from anyone.

Signed,
The Darker Son

     P.S.- I want to give a shout out to my emo friends, thanks for being my friends, thanks for the music tips, and thanks for the sanity checks, you guys rock!

Avoiding the Freak-Out

     This is one of the most important parts about being a member of the goth subculture, learning how to avoid a freak-out. Like it or not, there are always people in the world and, more importantly, in your life, who will tend to overreact to such things, to place it simply, you probably have a friend or relative who will overreact if you suddenly start wearing black head-to-toe and listening to frightening, raw, or depressing music. This can really be annoying, trust me, I know, I have many non-goth friends. The first time I told one of my friends about me being gothic, he asked me if I "hated everything", I still get pissed thinking about it, What I hate is how much people like to talk about those stupid stereotypes that don't have a single shred of truth in them, it seems that people really don't understand what is different, you know, for the being with the most complicated brain structure in the universe, people can be strangely thick-skulled, like there's nothing going on upstairs, well, this post is help to make sure that doesn't happen TOO often, and what to do if, or I should say, when it happens.

     If you're new to the subculture and want to find your gothic self, try easing into it at first, your parents/friends/counselor/co-worker/employer/etc will react less eratically if you start small, but will probably freak out to hell and back and/or look at you as if you've lost your mind if you go home one night, dressed like a so-called "normal person", and the next morning, walk out dressed head to toe in black, a t-shirt with a band logo and a grotesque design to go with it, pins, stud bracelets, black nail polish to go with your hair, which you seem to have dyed black, whiteface, and black eyeliner three-quarters of a centimeter thick, because, believe it or not, some people are just shocked by the sight of something like that, regardless of how complicated their brain structure is, so just understand that, and you're off to a good start. Ease into it, start with dressing in a large amount of black and, if you haven't already, look into the sort of music that has been branded with the goth label (I personaly recommend some of the classics, like Bauhaus and The Cure, mixed up with some more recent artists, I, along with some of my friends, am especially fond of My Chemical Romance, Black Veil Brides, and Evanescence). Starting small will make it easier for you to explain to someone about your new subcultural affiliation than it would if you tried explaining to them while dressed like the child of a hardcore fan of "The Crow" and that demon from "Insidious" (you weren't gonna do that, but I just like to make sure). Getting snakebite piercings, dyeing your hair, painting your nails, or any of that stuff is on you, I have absolutely no problem with any of that, just be aware that you will most likely have to deal with a freak-out, even if you are blessed, as I am, to have non-goth friends who don't freak out, and actually sometimes think its cool, when you do something gothy, I'll never forget the time I got a high-five for wearing eyeliner to class.

     This message is for both old AND new members of the goth subculture, and it is equally important for both. First: accept that you will have to face a freak-out, or at least someone overreacting to your gothiness because of the stereotypical crap that's out there. What you need to remember is that, while a lot of you get pissed off when someone backs up in fear, makes fun off you, pushes their kids behind them, or something like that, if you are mean to these people, or look at them like you want to slit their throats, you are only fueling the suspicion that goths are dramatic and hateful drama queens and have an axe to grind with everything that walks the earth. What you need to do is react calmly, you don't have to go up to every person who stares at you wide eyed and explain that goth is not a cult following and you're not going to drink their blood, but just smile and act pleasantly, if they ask you about your appearance, explain to them what attracts YOU to goth, and try not to freak them out with the whole "black mirrors my tortured soul and I listen to voices in my head" stuff, some things are better saved for conversations with like-minded people. If they make fun of you, ignore it, or respond politely, maybe with a touch of sarcasm, "No, I dress like this all the time, you should see me on Halloween". However, you will still have to accept the fact that not everyone will understand, but don't let it get to you, remember what I said in my first post, don't take crap from anyone, and that includes people who look at you with fear in their eyes. In a perfect world, people wouldn't care about the appearance of others, but would define others by what they do and who they really are. I had a teacher this past year, a very wise man, who told the class a story, he was in a subway, in London; I think, and the subway stopped, and in walked these two punk rockers, piercings and everything, afterwards, a lady walked in, and her arms were full, then she drops some of her things, and the first two people to help her pick up her possessions were the punks, now I know that punks and goths are not the same, but this is just an example of how what's on the outside doesn't really matter as much as who someone is on the inside, keep thet in mind and you'll do fine. I have to go now, my dog just told me to get off my soap box, see ya.

-Signed
The Darker Son